Wednesday, June 17, 2015

shit. shit. SHIT!

Well kids, the fun is officially over. This is not a drill. The Thomases are about to be PARENTS.

To a human. effing. being. Like a real person, with feelings, emotions, a personality and all kinds of corruptible things.  

If you know anything about me you know one of the most obvious things:  I don’t love children. I’m usually pretty mean to them, which in turn makes them think I’m kidding and then they come back for more, so it’s a pretty abusive cycle for both parties.

 I’ve never changed a diaper. or fed a baby. I’ve held one enough times to count on one hand. A good friend of mine left me alone with hers once so she could use the restroom, but she came back so quickly I’m not sure she even wiped. Her concern was warranted as I’ve locked another friend’s child in a dog kennel. (To be fair the little nugget went in on her own and ASKED me to shut the door okay?)

So I’ve never been one to over share about my life via social media, internet, etc. but as I type into Google “what do you do with a baby,” I begin to discover an untapped world of what are affectionately titled: Mom Blogs. dun dun dun.

So as I peruse the Mommy Internet World I’m finding that there is a Mom Blog for almost everything you can think of.  If you are pro/anti anything I promise you that someone, somewhere out there is blogging about it for you. And let me tell you what, there are some people out there that are fucking crazy.

My most interesting finds:
Free-Range Kids
The Feminist Breeder

… and oh. dear. god. could I go on!

So herein lies the inspiration to start my own uncensored (sorry Dad), documentation of the journey of a pediaphobic pregnant person. (Pediaphobia aka the fear of children is a real thing, look it up. Not to be confused with pediophobia which is the fear of dolls, but I have that too.)

Sidenote: I’m an excellent Dog Mom, so I’m thinking this can’t be much harder…right? RIGHT?!


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